huh

It has been a while. Time to vent and gack all over the page. I am so tired of all the crap I have to deal with. Isn't everyone? I am in a temp job that changes my length of assignment from day to day. I can't seem to find a permanent job that is truely permanent. I went to an event this weekend and it sucked big time. I have been sick for days. I am baby hungry in the worst way. I guess this is usual. I am feeling the "ack I am over 32 and still have no kids, husband nor any career to speak of and I feel I am failing miserably at life" crap. The one guy I am truly interested in isn't. I wish I could just snap my fingers and change my life. Instead all I can think to do is sit here and bitch about it. I want to go to film school, but can't afford it. I am still working on figuring it out, but by the time I do I will be old enough to retire. :P

Random blah blah blah

So another week has come and gone. I only get to work one day this week. That sucks big time. Yeah, I get some free time, but that also means no paycheck. I really hope that the temp agency gets off their butts and gets me something else quick. I have applied for a job at the place I was temping at for the last few months. I hope I get it: I really need steady employment. Being able to afford to live would be nice. No more squatting in friend's basements. Getting my car fixed so I don't have to rely on the frickin bus system. Ah, if life were only a fairy tale. At least I am not out on the street, and I can eat once in a while. And I haves me internet access. I went a long time without it. I can live without it, but it is really, really hard.

I have been thinking recently, and have come to the conclusion that I have become cynical in my old age. Not that I don't trust people, but I don't trust their motives. This makes it difficult when trying to find that special someone. Dating I think has made me even more cynical. The more guys i have contact with, the more I am convinced there are no good guys out there.....who would be interested in me. It's like all guys who are looking at this stage in life are just looking to "bag a catch". I feel like they move swiftly to but their brand on my ass before they even find out if I am what they want. Much less allowing me to find out if they are what I really want. Like the goal is to find someone, anyone, in the less than 8 seconds. If that were the case I wouldn't still be single. In my opinion the goal is to find someone and be HAPPY. It is a complicated process that takes a bit more than a chat over coffee once or twice. Though it would be nice if that was all it took. If you knew exactly right away who was right for you, and you could cut out all the pussyfooting around and just get on with it. But as it stands now that is the stupidest way to do it.

Bored

Well, really...procrastination. I really need to clean my apartment. I mean really clean. It has piles of crap all over. I have started to rearrange the piles, but that is as far as I have gotten. I do now have a working printer though. All hooked up, plugged in and everything. Not that I have anything to print. :D I just don't feel much like moving. I have been so busy, I just want to relax for a while. It is hard to find anything, though, with all the clutter. What I need to do is figure out a way to live in my own place. I am in a micro apartment above someone else's garage, and they expect more of me than I am willing to give. I really do have a life, for ONCE, and I really want to live it. I don't want to drop anything. I know that sounds selfish of me, but I am not part of the family, and I am not getting paid, and they are expecting more of me than they do of themselves. Yes, I am being oddly vague. But I really don't want to go into specifics here. I just want to whine a little. Sometimes it is just good to get things out without having any reprocussions.


OK...enough of that. Brainstorming session is definitely in order. I have 2 things to decide: 1. How to make more money so I can get my own place 2. Where I want to do that.


Time to brainstormm.....



Slainte!

Man am I an idiot

I already posted something, yet I failed to post it. At least I wrote it. A bunch of my friends have been telling how much more they like this blog better than LJ, so I thought I would try it and contrast and compare. Thus far it feels the same, only I feel less in control of what people see and don't see. I suppose that would mean I would have to learn...to.....CENSOR MYSELF!! (duhn duhn duuunn) Actually as I am just playing around with this I don't intend to give anyone this address. So if you know me and are reading this, kudos on your detective work...or your creepy stalker tactics, whichever is appropriate. :P

So now that I am here I might as well hang out a while. Random crap: Today I went to a chinese restaurant that does not serve white rice. Only pork fried rice. What kind of chinese place doesn't serve white rice? All I wanted was mar far chicken and rice. All I got was chicken. On the walk back to work there was a guy fixing his car that had a big bald spot on the back of his head, perfectly halo'd by a Flock of Seagulls hairdo. It was very hard not to burst out laughing there. Just a tip: If you are already showing your age by balding, don't make it worse with an out-of-date hairdo. It looked like a comb over that refused to go over.

So tonight I was hit by the muse, and started working on my filk again. I am HUGE Firefly/Serenity/ Joss whedon fan, so most of what I do is centered around those subjects. Here is a sample of my latest attempt thus far:

5 Million Miles
To the tune of 500 Miles by Peter, Paul and Mary

There's no job that we can hold
There's no cargo to be sold
Set adrift in the black and losing hope

Losing hope, losing hope, losing hope, losing hope
Set adrift in the black and losing hope

Niska's men are on our back
Food and money do we lack
And Badger's place is still 5 million miles away

5 million miles, 5 million miles, 5 million miles, 5 million miles
Badger's place is still 5 million miles away

Set adrift, there is no power
Reavers closer by the hour
Are we destined to go out this a-way

This a-way, this a-way, this a-way, this a-way
Are we destined to go out this a-way?

Hiding from Alliance ships
Seems so hard - too many slips
Have made us more than just blips upon thier screen

More than just blips, more than just blips, more than just blips, more than just blips
Have made us more than just blips upon thier screen

Two by two, hands of blue
Haunt River's dreams and makes her stew


Well, that's all I got right now. I want to finish that last verse, but not sure how yet. Or maybe I will cut it and make it another song alltogether. If you are reading this and have an opinion feel free to pipe in.

OK, time to sign off and get some sleep. Get ready for tomorrow.

Shalom
Slainte
Laila tov
bon noir